Thursday, September 12, 2019

Tour de Flatirons, Stage 1


Photos (eventually I hope)

It's back. The Tour. For the 16th year in a row. Is there anything else like this? Perhaps not. It's strange because to the people that do this, it's among the most fun their ever had racing. Yet, it's very small. It's definitely a fringe event and one that can only be held in Boulder due to the unique nature of the Flatirons. A Minion asked me if I ever seeing this growing to 100 participants. I don't think so, despite having more than 100 Minions in the club. Even with the high density of climbers and runners that exist in Boulder, I don't think the area is big enough (and we draw from Golden and Denver) to support a larger group. The mix of climbing, running, and the ability to have fun racing at such a thing is apparently pretty rare. Even in the Minions, frankly, as only about a quarter of the members compete. But that doesn't matter, because we have critical mass.

Critical mass is when everyone across the field feels like they are in the midst of the battle, when the energy is high and the distance between each Minion is close enough to trigger a chain reaction that yields a megaton of thermonuclear fun.

This one is such a continuous sufferfest. Unlike other stages that mix in descents between rocks, this stage had next to zero rest before starting the next one. It was up, up, up, and then down, down, down. We climb the Regency to the Royal Arch to the Fifth Flatiron to the Hippo Head (aka The Fist). We'd done this stage once before, in 2017. It was the only stage in which I'd ever beaten Derek. It was his first stage ever and had some route-finding trouble on the way out. At least I did it once, because I'm sure that was a one-and-done achievement.

Sonia couldn't make it. I wondered who my new rivals would be, if any. These days I live in fear of being the caboose. It's obviously my future, if I keep doing this. And I think I will. I think I'll keep it up until I'm well into last. Then I'll retire. Maybe I'll learn how to fly a drone. I have to something in retirement.

At gun I'm not far enough back and I'm a bit of a bottleneck on the singletrack start. Once on the wide trail, Minions move by. After I bit I look behind me to see if I am last and there are two trailers. Not last yet. Maury and Brian and jogged along next to me chatting. Chatting! I can't spare oxygen for such prattle. They soon move ahead, but once the trail goes up, I reel them in. I pass Maury first, then Max, then, surprisingly, Muffin Top. I know he's injured, but I'll take any advantage I can get. Eventually, I get Brian and go by him. He's lean, wearing a heart-rate monitor and I feel out of place waddling on by.

I catch up to Sometimes Great at the Regency and we battle all the way up it. He gaps me on the descent, which is surprising, as that is frequently my only advantage. He sneaks through the slot efficiently and I take some time, as worried of bashing myself in that tight fissure. I close on the easy Royal Arch and he gaps me again on the tricky, steep downclimb. I pass him going up the Fifth Flatiron. I rapped off quickly and closed on rookie Jacob "I'm Not" Winey. I closed up right behind me at the hand crack, but there is no way to pass there. He summited with me right on his heels and then he hesitated. I asked what was going on and he said, "I just figured you'd be faster on the descent." Well, okay then. I downclimbed to the knotted lines and hand-over-handed down them.

Once on the ground, I was faced my biggest fear for this stage: the descent. It is so steep, so loose, so rocky. Almost immediately I slipped on my lichen and jacked my injured left shoulder. Ouch. I'm just not agile enough any longer and too easily injured and too slow to heal to descend very fast. Yet, when coming down, I felt I was moving well. I didn't hear anyone behind me. I thought Winey might run me down, but it seemed like I had a huge lead for Sometimes.

I crashed down as fast I could, slipping onto my butt maybe five times during the descent, but without injuries. Descending below the Regency, I heard people coming for me. Dang! I got to the talus before they pounced. The first person by was Corn Muffin!? Where the heck did he come from, I wondered. I hadn't seen him since early on the approach to the Regency. I asked him, "Did you do all four rocks?", thinking he may have forgot about the Hippo Head. No such luck. Turns out that even when I thought I was descending well, I was still ridiculously slow.

Corn Muffin flew by with Sometimes Great right behind him. I got down to the trail before Winey went by. I gave chase, but was now concerned about beating Sir Crimps-alot's earlier time of 1:09:40. I looked at my watch and found that I had just six minutes to make it. It seemed impossibly, but I wasn't going to give up yet. Sonia's time was 1:16, so even if I failed on Brian's time, I'd shoot for Sonia's time. With these times as a goal I stayed close to the three in front of me. For a moment or two I thought I might be gaining on them, but it was just a switchback illusion. Still, we all finished within a minute of each other and I ran 1:09:30.

Kyle won, but was pushed by Ryan clear to the summit of the last rock. He was so shocked to see Ryan so close that he blasted the descent a bit recklessly. It wasn't until the next day that noticed he couldn't walk very well due to a bang on his ankle. But he did put four minutes on Ryan.

Four stages to go...


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