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| Missing from photo (retrieving ropes): Danny, David G., Ryan F., and Darren |
Looking at the photo above, I'm instituting a new rule: Mt. Vinson is required to wear a shirt!
Seriously, though, that dude is an ab model. Maybe there is something to this Crossfit bullshit...except that he didn't win the stage. That skinny dude with the hat, third from the left in the back row did. He was definitely helped by the absence of Kyle and Cordis, though. Kyle did actually win the stage, but he ran in the morning, with Cordis, and wasn't able to compete with the field. Something about a friend's lifelong commitment and all... And without the full field, Cordis got lost. Poor little defending champion... It isn't over yet, but Kyle is looking like a lock to take his first title.
The podium is far from set, though, especially with Cordis' mistake and Jason Killgore missing the first stage and having to make it up solo, which is much slower. Logan Newguydanus is currently in second, which brings up another idea for a new rule: No more recruiting from the Glennon/Messner stable of uber athletes with foreign-sounding last names. Let's Make The Tour Slow Again!
Just kidding. At least until I'm last. Which I'm not. Yet. Thanks, Tony!
So, the stage. Jesus, what fun. What pain. Such craziness all around with people going off course in at least three different locations, placement changes aplenty, countless minor falls, and a very modest amount of bleeding for a stage called "There Will Be Blood Stage." Well done, Minions.
Killgore reasserted himself as the fastest Minion over the age of 24. He blasted the course, running 48:34 and one of only three to break 50 minutes. The other being a suddenly expert scrambling Eric Lee Cowbell Roth. Where did this come from? New rule number three: Eric must be drug-tested at his cost at the end of each stage. Or at least make his EPO dealer available to everyone in the Tour!
Danny, the Modern Major General, and Hans and Franz (that's only two total scramblers there), are locked in what seems to be a mortal battle. They run the stage as Siamese twins that don't get along, with one finally breaking the bond at the very finish. This time it was the General bounding up the final steep rock steps like LeBron James taking it to the glass.
I started at the back with Sonia right on my butt. We gapped Angela pretty early, but she wasn't that far back. Sonia and I passed Brian With the Backpack early on and caught up to Brendan just before Front Porch. I took a clean line up the Front Porch and a different line than I had been doing. It was bit to the left. Sonia remained so close behind me that I was afraid I'd step on her hands.
Backpack Brian pulled up next to me and got his nose in front, but I poured it on and made the top of the Front Porch just ahead of him, with Sonia behind him. The queue was two deep at the rappels, so I didn't hesitate and immediately started the downclimb. I caught Nikita here and followed him up to the saddle and down the steep trail with Corn Muffin just ahead of us. I passed a few people with my downclimbing maneuver and I hoped that I had gapped Sonia for good.
I cruised down following Nikita and Corn Muffin until they made a slight mistake and traversed too hard to the left. I got in front of Nikita here, but Corn Muffin opened up a big gap and was gone. I hit Skunk Canyon and started the most painful hike of my life. Getting to the base of Angel's Way hurt so bad and I was barely moving. I think I went too hard on the descent and I was paying now. Nikita closed up right behind me and John O's was right behind him and, gosh dang it, Sonia was right behind Jon. Dammit. My effort on the descent was for naught.
No one asked to go by me and I didn't have the breath to offer it. They were going to have to ask. At one point I tried to way Nikita by, but I don't think he saw my gesture because he didn't react. I didn't stop or pause, I was just urging him one. Once on Angel's I led for a hundred feet or more before Nikita passed on my left. Further up I made a mistake at one crux section and Jon went by me. Now Sonia was once again so close, that I barely had time to move my foot before her hand would go into the same spot.
Further up, at another crux section, Nikita paused, not sure of the best way. Jon went by taking a tougher route and I took an easier route and Nikita fell in behind me. Further up, I found an efficient solution to another crux and closed on Jon a bit before he pulled away again.
Hiking up to the saddle behind Satan's I was pretty close to Jon and we had gapped Nikita and Sonia. We flew down the slippery descent and amazingly I caught up to Jon and he graciously let me by, but followed right on my heels.
Just as we started down the gully to Hillbilly, Corn Muffin reappears. He had started down to the north of Hillbilly and had to correct. Corn Muffin took Derek's more difficult start and I went my easier, faster way and got in front of him, with Jon a bit further down. Above me was David Glennon and I closed on him, nearly pulling even with him and then followed him to the top. We both got on the rappel ropes at the same time, but I descended at warp speed...right into the tree below. I tried for just a couple of seconds to free the rope from the tree before giving up and getting off rappel and downclimbed the boulders and cut right to the descent trail. I had David on my heels and then Corn Muffin who closed and passed David. I led maybe half the descent before stepping aside at a switchback and cheered Muffin and David on by. On told I fell fell times, all minor butt bounces, but this last one I put my hand in a cactus. Bummer. I couldn't keep up with the two in front but did my best.
I hit Skunk and was running scared. David was soon out of sight, but I could see Corn Muffin most of the way out. On the hellish climb out of Skunk up to the water tower I was so afraid of Jon or Sonia or Nikita getting a glimpse of me and urging them on, that near the top I squatted a bit in an attempt to conceal myself behind the tall grass, so badly did I not want to be seen. I power hiked that hill and all the remaining hills. I was on the rivet with nothing left. I couldn't catch Muffin, but I wasn't far back. On the final climb up to the Mesa Sheri urged me on, thinking I could still break an hour. I knew I couldn't and power hiked the hill, hurting badly. I did my best to run it in, but it wasn't pretty and it wasn't fast: 1:00:30.
Derek's report:
I battled Erik and Colin on the run in (they probably didn't know I was battling them, because they were winning, but they were at least my carrot), then Stefan on the Front Porch -- a battle which I lost on the ascent. But I was right with him on the descent.
After we turned up towards Angel's Way, Erik S and David Glennon came back to us when they got off track on a different rock. Quickly I was dropped by all three of them and then was desperately battling Dan V and Sir Crim(ps), trying to hold them off, barely chugging up the trail.
On Angel's (holy crap that's a long rock!), Dan and Brian reeled me in, but I reeled in David G. Dan passed me at some point, but didn't hear David higher up saying "stay low" for a connection onto another piece. I heeded the advice and was in the lead again, with Colin in sight! Again I fell backwards. David G passed me but I stayed in front of Dan. When we got to the second to last piece, we saw Stefan, Colin, maybe Erik S(???) and David Alexander downclimbing the top piece!! David G was starting up it and asked me if we had to go to the top. I said no and now I was in the lead of all of these guys! Yikes! Such pressure, haha.
I nailed the descent to Hillbilly, thankfully and gapped Dan a bit, but we had a big crew getting on the rock. I went my harder, thinner way, mainly so I wouldn't hold them up, but also because it would give my followers pause and make them have to look for the better, easier way. I got up and quickly went around the corner, out of sight.
Erik and David Alexander caught me on this rock, and Stefan was closing hard again. David A cramped here taking a huge step, but shook out and passed me again. We got to the rappels and there was one open rope, Erik and David on the other two. Sweet. I took it and Stefan went immediately to the downclimb. I rap'd right over him and wanted to go way down the gulley but my rope was wrapped on a tree. I got off and started chasing Erik. David A was going a little slow here and I passed him as well.
I messed up the descent a little bit here, missing a hard left turn, and unfortunately had Stefan following me. We just "ran" the river bed for a little until we were back on the trail. As soon as I was on flats I was dead. Erik was out of sight, and Stefan was right on me.
When we got to that godforsaken hill after the bridge, Stefan passed me running while I walked trudgingly, warning "Those runner guys are after us!" All I could do was shake my head. David A was right behind, but also hurting. I was right on Stefan's butt up to the water tower, where I passed him and got a teeeny gap at the bottom of the hill. I ran the rest of the way out, including the steps. Stefan was right on me until those steps, and I just resolved to SUFFER. I sprinted it home and held off Stefan and David A. after him.
Summary: My goodness that was so fun. I was battling 7-8 guys throughout and just dying the whole way. Can't wait to die next week too!
Danny's report:
Holy shit that was some serious effort. I had three goals: beat Cordis’ extremely handicapped time, beat Ryan, and beat Eric. 2/3 ain’t bad.
After yesterday’s entirely too cocky start I played it a little cooler today and we also had a slightly cooler field without the hot shit kids up front. I got to the rock nearly in step with the remainder of the field or at least not too far in front or behind anybody. A slightly reduced crew meant I had my own line on FP which was good and I maxed out. Eric topped out just ahead and Ryan just behind. Ryan downclimbed and we three remained in step for the descent, where Lee made an impressive yet accidental baseball slide under a log.
On the skunk slog I started to feel thrashed, noticing my breaths came with a bit of a wheeze. Here Logan, clearly by way of a route error (he was ahead) passed me. I gave Angels my best but it crushed me and Ryan passed me. I lost sight of all my competition here but recharged considerably on the descent to HB.
When I threw onto hillbilly, Ryan was suddenly only a few feet away and Eric/Jason/Logan were only just ahead. I hammered it out as best I could and got in front of Ryan and just barely hit the rap as Eric started down.
The red line tied up I had to take the stupid blue line which was fucking aweful. I burned completely through my bandanna and there was no way I was stopping. At the cost of some skin I kept it in control but then I realized that rope was tied to the fucking tree and I couldn’t rap off the end. Ryan rap passed me. It was rough.
I hung tight on the descent, and even snagged Eric Lee’s dropped rap device. Here, in skunk, Logan passed me again. Dude was having a rough go of the route finding apparently, but made up for it by being waaaay fit. Now with Eric, Ryan and I so close I knew there was no fucking way I would outrun Eric, but had a shot with Ryan. I played it close until the final hill and we repeated last years ncar stage, with me nabbing the lead right at the end. Eric beat us both by like a minute or something stupid like that. Cat can fly.
Man that was fun! Ryan and I are almost identical fitness, it’s insane. Makes for some absolutely killer competition, and some stout times. Stoked!
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